You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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