thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
