my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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