my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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