She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
