Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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