You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
