At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
