There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
