haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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