I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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