Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
