PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
