Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
