I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
