It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
