you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
