If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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