apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
