either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
