You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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