it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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