just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
