There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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