I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
