Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Still dying that you shit outside
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
