No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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