I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
