My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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