doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
