My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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