woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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