Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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