At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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