What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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