After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
