yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
