the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
