Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
