Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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