I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
