i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
