Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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