I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
