And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
