Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
