I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
