did you get engaged???
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
