Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
