you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
