so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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