420 ftw
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
