Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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