Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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