Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
